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Far Removed, But Never Gone

Updated: Dec 28, 2019

I’m not sure if being in my hometown is bringing this up, knowing we have to bury my grandfather in a few days, or having visited my grandmother who is now just a shell of who she used to be - physically stuck in the fetal position unable to do a damn thing all day long. Whatever it is, it’s brought up all the feels, and they should be shared.

To my best friends from high school. I still think of you. I wish you happiness and health. The most fulfilling relationships and family experiences. Sometimes I’ll remember something we used to do or say, and those happy memories play themselves out in front of me. Sometimes I even want to tell you about it. Just say hi. But then I don’t.

I know life happened and we went in different directions. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think of you still.

The friendships we had were amazing. The love. The support. The laughter. The fun. The silliness. Then somewhere along the line things got more serious. The distance in miles began to reflect in our conversations. The tightly knit relationship just slowly unraveled until it was nothing.

But I’ve never forgotten all of the things you’ve done for me. Said to me. The hugs. The tears. The crazy amounts of laughs. The lunches. The games. The dances. The crushes. The tests. The teachers. The lockers. I haven’t forgotten, and I hope you haven’t either.

Sometimes, it seems like trying to reconnect is just so far off the table. Then I wonder if it’s just for me or if it would benefit you too, and I’m never quite sure so I just don’t.

But it doesn’t mean I’m not still rooting for you. I’ve always been rooting for you. Even when we stopped speaking. Even when we no longer shared our crushes names or secrets. Even when we started finding new friends to build a life around. New partners who would be there ever more. Even when houses, babies, jobs all took front and center.

I sometimes think because I don’t want all of those things in my life I would have nothing left in common with you. But that’s not true. I loved you before you became a Mrs. Before you became a mom. I loved you for that vulnerable teenage girl who I know is still there.

To my friends who might not actually be “friends” anymore. I see you. And I still love you.

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